Starring Lyndsey Spark
I’m writing this post not for attention or sympathy but to talk about something that isn’t really discussed, well not properly anyway. Anxiety is seen as this really fashionable thing to have these days and it’s really pissing me off because if those people knew what it really feels like, they really wouldn’t want it as a ‘brand’ for themselves. Luckily I don’t personally know anyone like that but it’s out there in the media, on TV, etc. It’s something I’ve dealt with for years. I get obsessive thoughts and my mind races to the point where I feel physically sick so I can’t leave the house. I itch my hands to the point where they mark or blister with friction burns just to stay seated in public, I’ve hit my head against walls to stop intrusive thoughts, I believe people are conspiring against me, I stop trusting people and I excessively worry about others. I get anxiety ‘hangovers’ with splitting headaches as it drains me so much. It’s ruling who I am at the minute and it’s been so bad over the past week. I know there are so many like me where it controls your whole day and I’m sick of it being described as this cute fluffy thing to have. The only rest you get is when you eventually fall asleep and that fantastic 2 seconds when you wake up before you realise who you are. It’s not always like this, it’s a bit like a rollercoaster but this is how bad it gets. I’m starting to work on my anxiety monster and hopefully can learn how to turn the volume down and get on with life more.
I just needed to get that off my chest 🙂