…that is the question.
So, I haven’t really written anything since March. Two months and I have no excuse.
I can’t really think of a topic for this one so I’m just going to write and then see what happens…
It’s been a mixed bag of feelings since I last wrote a blog post. May pretty much marks one year since my mental health started to dip again. One year and I’ve barely began any psych treatment.
There’s been some real sh**ty times during the past few months but I’m still here which I guess is something. There’s been some nice times though and I have the support of friends and a lovely new community of like-minded people at meditation to bring me back to Earth.
I’ve been regularly going to meditation sessions which is helping with my anxiety and I now have a bit of a morning routine. I’ve also started to add gym visits into the mix. The gym gives me major anxiety and I normally spend a good 15 minutes telling myself to breathe in my car before I go in – but, I get in there eventually.
I’m busy creating a collection of sea glass jewellery so I can open an Etsy store and hopefully make some money! I’m also going to try my hand at wood burning art! (I’m a bit of a klutz so I’m a bit nervous about this!)
I love being creative. It’s my saviour at the minute. I’ve kind of fallen out of love with singing right now which upsets me but I’m really excited to be creating some new craft ideas over the next few weeks to keep my mind occupied.
Having time on my hands means my mind often goes into overdrive and my anxiety gatecrashes. The majority of my scary thoughts are around the future. I’ve never been able to plan ahead for anything in my life and I just see a big black void in my mind when I try and think about what I’d like to achieve and what my purpose on this planet is.
I also obsessively worry about everything 24/7 which absolutely sucks. It’s like a hamster wheel in my brain, a whirlwind of negative thoughts constantly bopping about. It’s exhausting.
So yeah, crafting helps banish these emotions for a bit.
This sounds a bit negative but I do have something to keep myself motivated and active! Myself and friend Amy are taking part in a 12 hour dawn till dusk hike in Scotland for the charity Mind this October (I wasn’t well enough to do the running I planned for Mind so looking forward to this challenge). Amy works in mental health and it’s also a very personal cause for myself – I’ve had support from Mind’s services and I want to give something back whilst raising awareness.
I’m seeing this hike as an aim to overcome my mental mountain as well as a physical one!
We will be posting training updates and videos soon and it would be lovely if you could sponsor us!
This post has turned into a bit of a brain dump but at least I’ve updated the blog!